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Banishing burnout: more ideas to help

Part one of this article considered two of the most common reasons that some home educators decide that the home educating life is no longer for them. ‘I felt as if I had lost myself. I just couldn’t see a time where I could do anything for myself, which sounds selfish – but I’m talking about even just thinking an idea through. The children were always there and I was smothered,’ describes one former home educating parent. ‘I had to send them back to school. It broke my heart, but as a single parent I couldn’t see another way forward. I didn’t feel that my extended family supported me and they certainly hadn’t offered any extra help, I didn’t know where else I could turn and I didn’t have the funds to pay for a break, so school was the obvious option. It was that or burn out, which I felt would have let the children down in a whole other set of ways.’

The above paints a vivid picture of the dilemma which has become a third common reason for a home education wobble – the feeling of being entirely, personally, overwhelmed. I can relate. There are days, even now I am a seasoned home educator, that leave me feeling that I didn’t have a single thought to call my own. I find myself dreaming of just walking out of the door and finding a nice, quiet field and lying down in the grass and just working out my own head for an hour, or maybe two. But home educating doesn’t normally come with sick pay or holidays, so what can be done to combat that sinking feeling?

A quick solution is to have a list to hand of all the easy things that you and your children do that make you happy. A picnic on the beach is top of ours. Dancing to really loud music has to be there too. Making clay models, baking cookies, nature treasure hunts, cuddling up and reading a new adventure story are all on there too. Try to work in as many of these activities as you can into each day. Give the children more room to organise something lovely for you, for a change. I once asked my older girls to dream up their most delicious cake recipe. Working with baking books they both rose to the challenge, took a bus to the supermarket where they bought the ingredients and came home and baked their ideas into realities. One rested and well-fed Mum, and two very satisfied and happy girls!

More standard ideas to ease that burned out feeling include:

Walking in nature – takes the pressure off. Just smell the trees and listen to the birds sing.
Move. Even if you don’t feel like it, get up and dance or put on a workout DVD and all throw yourselves into it.
Music. Sing or play an instrument. Create a magical space that is carried by the music, not you.
Read aloud. Try something new – perhaps a non-fiction book that YOU want to explore.
Play a board game. Ease back with Happy Families or Operation.
Make some art. Try to choose something fairly free-form so that you can do it for yourself and not be interrupted by cries for help every five seconds.
Movies. Try a musical or something older that you would like to have seen but haven’t yet. Lazily talk it through afterwards – you’ll all have learned much more than you meant to.
Get out to a local museum or place of interest; let them explore and run about at will; let them soak it in.

A wider view that is helpful to take on board is one which can help avoid burnout altogether. This can involve pondering and forming a clearer educational philosophy which really means considering what you are aiming for and ways to get there. One idea to consider, that I have seen succeed time and time again, is based loosely on the observations of Jean Liedloff and recorded in her book, The Continuum Concept. Home educating mother of three, Claire, explains ‘I pursue my own interests and support the children in following those as well. I want to set an example as an adult who is still learning new skills and enjoying that process. We are members of a local museum and an astronomy club for example, ideas that started as interests of mine. We started attending rag rug making sessions at our local library, something that I had seen and wanted to learn, which my youngest and I still enjoy, while the boys lost interest after two weeks. I’m ok with that. I support them in what they do want to learn and in turn expect them to support me. We are in this as a team, learning in informal settings with the contribution of many, many people, mentors, relatives and friends.’

Being able to allow your children the time and room to discover activities and interests which intrigue and excite them is part of the blessing of home education. Learning to see these blossoming interests not just as hobbies but as education is another leap but with it comes the sudden realisation that your world is a wonderful, shiny, bristling resource full of delight and adventure. And it doesn’t all have to come from you.

An old friend and fellow home educator regularly appears on my Facebook newsfeed. Her photo journal which records the day to day accomplishments of her two daughters is inspiring, but it also manages to make me feel about two inches tall. Where does this single mother find the time and energy to support and educate two such high achievers? And to be a successful blogger, proof reader and small business owner herself? This brings me to the fourth issue – comparison. ‘I would read about and see all these other families who were earning Duke of Edinburgh awards, Blue Peter badges, Brownies awards and winning prizes for their poetry and art and I would feel like such a failure. I didn’t even have the time to show my children that such excitement existed, let alone being capable of working towards such goals. I was failing – them and their education,’ says Francis, a former home educator.

My first answer to this is STOP! And I don’t mean stop home educating. Stop the comparisons, stop looking, stop worrying. We all know that social media feeds do not show the reality of burnt dinners and running mascara. They are not life. There is no way I can say this enough times. If it makes you feel uplifted or inspired, by all means enjoy reading, or ogling, tales of other home educators’ journeys, but if they make you feel bad then please stop.

It’s fine to take stock, of course, and from time to time this does involve comparisons. I have a little notebook, or three, with ideas I have gleaned from other home educators who seem to have, for now, tapped into a previously unconsidered resource or triumphed where I have floundered. Loosen the corset of life from time to time and read through your little book. We all need time to reassess and rest, to make some popcorn and watch a movie. It’s all right to give yourself that time. One thing I learned recently from a new friend and home educator is that You Tube can be very useful. I think I’d only associated it with the time-wasting, confidence-shrinking beauty bloggers that became an obsession for one of my teens for a while, and it was a real eye-opener to find pithy natural history, practical science and geology videos which have been both entertaining and helpful to my two youngest learners as well as informative for me. (I know I’m behind the times, forgive me).

Another consideration is how bound you might be feeling, when in reality the boundaries are set by you, so you have the choice not to follow through. Sometimes we just don’t see that we have made ourselves slaves to something that is neither healthy nor helpful. Perhaps you have chosen to follow a curriculum, joined an expensive online science course, or committed to a term of lessons with a tutor – but, while this can be a tough call, it’s honestly worth asking if these things are really working for you or if you are struggling under their yoke. The only curriculum, science lesson or whatever-it-is, worth anything, is one which you actually want to use, and do use. If something becomes a burden – of guilt for not doing it when you paid for it, or of tedium or contributing to feelings of being overwhelmed, reassess.

‘I feel much less negative when I remember that the only spelling worth learning at a young age is useful spelling. The same with maths. I don’t use books that teach reading, but books we love to read. As home educators it’s easy to forget that one of the astounding benefits is that there are no tests or exams to put pressure on the children to meet certain goals, there is just their own desire for learning, their self-imposed or self-motivated direction which I am there to support, not to complete for them.’ Says Maria, a home educating mother of four.

There are astonishing, fulfilling and incredibly uplifting benefits to home educating your children. A life-changing, potentially home educating life-saving move is to remind yourself of some of these, and all you achieve in walks, conversations, experiences, visits and social meets – or whatever you do, by keeping a daily, or even weekly journal. No pressures, no photos – just do it for yourself. Be your own champion and instead of quitting, admire your own integrity. Take notice of all the small things that you do that make each day with your learners a positive and progressive one. Be aware of each time you give them space to create, every time you take a moment to read. Make note of the reasons and aspirations that made you choose home education in the first place and revel in the actual doing of something that you have planned and dreamed of. Embarking on this journey is to be applauded and continuing it no less so. If you only employ just this last suggestion, I am positive that you will be surprised at how accomplished you feel which in turn will lead to a sense of renewal and re-energising and a feeling of readiness to take on the next few weeks with excitement and joy.